Male Sexuality Explained
Hmmm...still getting used to this posting thing, and too busy today to write anything original, at least nothing that would be interesting. So I decided to re-post something I put up on a local community site awhile back, because I got a lot of good feedback on it and hardly any flames, so it will be interesting to see what THIS community thinks of it.
I had done my share of online dating, and I noticed a lot of women posting complaints about men "using" them, seemingly not at all understanding what was happening when it all seemed so obvious to me and probably every other male on the planet. So I decided to potentially bring the wrath of The Playahs on my head for revealing what should be taught to every girl in junior high school. This stuff WILL be common sense to most male and SOME female readers, but y'all would be amazed at how many women have thanked me profusely for giving out this info. So this posting mostly goes out to all the females in the audience (assuming anybody is reading my little dealio here yet; I'm new, after all)...
MALE SEXUALITY EXPLAINED:
OK, so you're a woman, you've just had sex with a guy and you think it's the beginning of something, while for him it's the END of something. Why is this? What sort of foul creatures are these men, eh? Why would they sleep with you, giving you the impression that they think you're special, and then suddenly lose interest?
It's actually really simple.
We men have this chemical called testosterone, in large quantities, flowing through our veins and influencing us in ways that you cannot begin to imagine. It makes us absolutely crazy. Of course women have some too, which is what gives them a sex drive at all. But they just don't have anywhere near the same amount -- not even the really horny ones.
We men are of course human beings. We were once little babies, crying out for affection. Just like you women, we want love. Just like you, we want companionship. Just like you, we need nurturing and caring. BUT unlike you, we don't need any of those things in order to want to fuck you, because we have bulk-rate testosterone telling us to fuck anything that moves.
So...
If you're lucky (and if we are as well), we are sleeping with you as part of an expression of our love and devotion to you. BUT more often than not, that ain't it. Just because we want to fuck you doesn't mean we love you. We might not even like you. We might not even be attracted to you at all.
In fact, we might hate your guts, but still you have a nice body and so we are wired to want to penetrate it. I know this sounds bad, but if a 'hot' woman is a complete bitch from hell, we will want to fuck her just on principle alone -- because then she's a just notch in our belt, and we have taken the one thing we wanted from her. Now she's just a bitch, instead of a bitch with a nice ass, and so now we can ignore the shape of her ass and get on with our work. She now has nothing left that we want, and no power over us whatsoever. Get it?
As we get older and wiser, and if we got enough casual sex to scratch that itch a fair bit and the testosterone starts to dwindle to manageable levels, our nurturing side is able to express itself more clearly, and we long for a loving relationship.
But even then, if given the choice between casual, loveless sex and no sex at all, we will STILL take the former in a heartbeat. Sure, after sowing some oats, proving our "manhood" and attractiveness to women in our youth, at a certain point we will much prefer sex with someone we love. Note I said "prefer". To ANY healthy man of any age (and I challenge any man to honestly dispute this), ANY sex is better than NO sex, which of course makes us very different from women. To YOU (women), a penis is generally all about the guy attached to it. If the guy's uninteresting to you, you probably don't wanna see his dick. To us MEN, a vagina is always beautiful, no matter who it's attached to. See? You COULD take this as a compliment, in a twisted sort of way. Sorta.
The problem for women, of course, is that you don't know if a guy wants sex with you because he LIKES you, or simply because you have a vagina, and he is wired to want IT. Well, I can promise you this: if a guy hasn't known you long enough to really know who you are and really like you, and he tries to get you into bed, he JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU. Period. You're dreaming if you think it's more than that. Sure, sometimes more comes of it later, but only sometimes -- and usually because the guy's got regular access to sex now, and for a lot of guys that's hard to come by. Until somebody cuter or smarter or just plain new comes along. Sex without substance gets old, even for us.
For men, the sex drive is like hunger. When you're hungry enough, even a crappy fast-food joint will do, and you pull into the drive-thru. You know it's a bad idea, but you do it anyway. But afterwards the stomach ache always makes you say "shit, why the hell did I do that?" Simple. You were hungry, and it was there. So we meet some girl who isn't our type, but she's not hideous; she's acceptable. Maybe she's a little too chubby, or has bad skin, or isn't very interesting or bright. But we're HUNGRY and she's THERE. She probably thinks she's just met her new boyfriend, but we walk away afterwards with a stomach ache, and she realizes she's been used AGAIN. Nobody's really happy, and if he's a decent guy he feels bad about it -- but the hunger's gone for awhile. The end.
If a young guy really, really likes you, he'll still want your body, but he'll likely be willing to wait for you to be ready, if you're firm about it. It won't be easy for him, but he'll stick around even if you don't 'put out' -- as long as he knows you're sincere and not just playing games with him, like some women do. You know, for free dinners and stuff. Yeah, it happens a lot. But I digress; my intent here is to HELP women, not point the finger at them.
If an older, presumably wiser and more mature guy really likes you, not only will he be willing to wait, but he will likely SUGGEST that you wait, because he knows that sex is MUCH better if you truly know and love someone, and, just like you, he'll want it to be special. Of course, if you push the issue, he will likely give in easily and fuck you anyway, because he's a man. We are all slaves to our chemicals.
So the bottom-line is this:
It's an age-old concept that your grandma probably told you, and it's just plain true. If you want casual sex, then go ahead and have it, but don't expect the guy to be after anything more than a fuck. If you truly want LOVE and a relationship, you have to wait until you are sure he really cares about you before you let him go there. You just do.
OK, so why is it YOUR responsibility to say no, rather than his? Simple. TESTOSTERONE. A guy might have the best of intentions; he might know in his heart that he should wait, that it will be better. But the chemicals, especially in a young guy, are going to be too strong for him to resist. I have personally ruined many potential relationships by giving in to my desire to sleep with some girl early on, and then I lost interest in her because there was nothing there but lust in the first place. If we'd waited, maybe nothing would have happened at all, or maybe we would have developed something great, based on mutual interests and such -- at the very least, she wouldn't have had her heart broken by mistaking sex for love. But she let me, and so I did. And so I basically ate dessert first, and got too full for dinner. Sometimes I even knew she was barking up the wrong tree, but I did it anyway. Sometimes, when I was young, I told her exactly what she wanted to hear, and I got what I wanted. Sometimes I even felt bad about it. But I did it anyway. That's testosterone (and immature selfishness, surely) in action.
Yes, SHE has to be the one to say no, because men, when it comes to sex, are just plain weak. The strongest man, one who might rescue a baby from a burning building or wrestle a bank robber to the ground, is still pretty much helpless in the face of his own sex drive. It's just a fact.
As for me, I'm a 40ish guy, who has learned all this the hard way. Pun intended. And it's all very, very true.
So, my female friends, go ahead and sleep around; I make no judgments (double-standards are just stupid) and I don't believe in the word "slut" -- I think women should be able to have as much casual sex as they want, as long as they REALIZE it's casual sex. But if you want real love, LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA, and do NOT sleep with the guy until you have a connection with him that you both feel, however long that takes. And if he won't wait, then, just like your mama probably told you, then he wasn't what you thought you wanted anyway.
Sounds old-fashioned, even to ME -- because I was born in the Free Love '60s. But it's just the way we're wired, and while our uptight puritannical forebears were fucked-up about a lot of things, there's one inescapable fact of biology they pretty much had figured out. Surely they should have given women the equality, respect and intellectual credit they deserved. BUT they DID understand the male sex drive and what havoc it can wreak on an unsuspecting, romance-seeking female.
(Note: I am not excusing men for their/our behavior; just explaining it for those who don't get it. Anyone, male or female, who wants to comment is free to write me, but please be intelligent enough to get what the heck I'm trying to say, and don't just send me mindless angry flames because you hate men or live in denial.)
And I didn't create this situation, so please don't get mad at me. I'm just the messenger.
Thanks for listening. If just one woman has a lightbulb go on over her head after reading this, it will help make up for all the hearts my dick has broken over the years -- including, eventually, my own.
I had done my share of online dating, and I noticed a lot of women posting complaints about men "using" them, seemingly not at all understanding what was happening when it all seemed so obvious to me and probably every other male on the planet. So I decided to potentially bring the wrath of The Playahs on my head for revealing what should be taught to every girl in junior high school. This stuff WILL be common sense to most male and SOME female readers, but y'all would be amazed at how many women have thanked me profusely for giving out this info. So this posting mostly goes out to all the females in the audience (assuming anybody is reading my little dealio here yet; I'm new, after all)...
MALE SEXUALITY EXPLAINED:
OK, so you're a woman, you've just had sex with a guy and you think it's the beginning of something, while for him it's the END of something. Why is this? What sort of foul creatures are these men, eh? Why would they sleep with you, giving you the impression that they think you're special, and then suddenly lose interest?
It's actually really simple.
We men have this chemical called testosterone, in large quantities, flowing through our veins and influencing us in ways that you cannot begin to imagine. It makes us absolutely crazy. Of course women have some too, which is what gives them a sex drive at all. But they just don't have anywhere near the same amount -- not even the really horny ones.
We men are of course human beings. We were once little babies, crying out for affection. Just like you women, we want love. Just like you, we want companionship. Just like you, we need nurturing and caring. BUT unlike you, we don't need any of those things in order to want to fuck you, because we have bulk-rate testosterone telling us to fuck anything that moves.
So...
If you're lucky (and if we are as well), we are sleeping with you as part of an expression of our love and devotion to you. BUT more often than not, that ain't it. Just because we want to fuck you doesn't mean we love you. We might not even like you. We might not even be attracted to you at all.
In fact, we might hate your guts, but still you have a nice body and so we are wired to want to penetrate it. I know this sounds bad, but if a 'hot' woman is a complete bitch from hell, we will want to fuck her just on principle alone -- because then she's a just notch in our belt, and we have taken the one thing we wanted from her. Now she's just a bitch, instead of a bitch with a nice ass, and so now we can ignore the shape of her ass and get on with our work. She now has nothing left that we want, and no power over us whatsoever. Get it?
As we get older and wiser, and if we got enough casual sex to scratch that itch a fair bit and the testosterone starts to dwindle to manageable levels, our nurturing side is able to express itself more clearly, and we long for a loving relationship.
But even then, if given the choice between casual, loveless sex and no sex at all, we will STILL take the former in a heartbeat. Sure, after sowing some oats, proving our "manhood" and attractiveness to women in our youth, at a certain point we will much prefer sex with someone we love. Note I said "prefer". To ANY healthy man of any age (and I challenge any man to honestly dispute this), ANY sex is better than NO sex, which of course makes us very different from women. To YOU (women), a penis is generally all about the guy attached to it. If the guy's uninteresting to you, you probably don't wanna see his dick. To us MEN, a vagina is always beautiful, no matter who it's attached to. See? You COULD take this as a compliment, in a twisted sort of way. Sorta.
The problem for women, of course, is that you don't know if a guy wants sex with you because he LIKES you, or simply because you have a vagina, and he is wired to want IT. Well, I can promise you this: if a guy hasn't known you long enough to really know who you are and really like you, and he tries to get you into bed, he JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU. Period. You're dreaming if you think it's more than that. Sure, sometimes more comes of it later, but only sometimes -- and usually because the guy's got regular access to sex now, and for a lot of guys that's hard to come by. Until somebody cuter or smarter or just plain new comes along. Sex without substance gets old, even for us.
For men, the sex drive is like hunger. When you're hungry enough, even a crappy fast-food joint will do, and you pull into the drive-thru. You know it's a bad idea, but you do it anyway. But afterwards the stomach ache always makes you say "shit, why the hell did I do that?" Simple. You were hungry, and it was there. So we meet some girl who isn't our type, but she's not hideous; she's acceptable. Maybe she's a little too chubby, or has bad skin, or isn't very interesting or bright. But we're HUNGRY and she's THERE. She probably thinks she's just met her new boyfriend, but we walk away afterwards with a stomach ache, and she realizes she's been used AGAIN. Nobody's really happy, and if he's a decent guy he feels bad about it -- but the hunger's gone for awhile. The end.
If a young guy really, really likes you, he'll still want your body, but he'll likely be willing to wait for you to be ready, if you're firm about it. It won't be easy for him, but he'll stick around even if you don't 'put out' -- as long as he knows you're sincere and not just playing games with him, like some women do. You know, for free dinners and stuff. Yeah, it happens a lot. But I digress; my intent here is to HELP women, not point the finger at them.
If an older, presumably wiser and more mature guy really likes you, not only will he be willing to wait, but he will likely SUGGEST that you wait, because he knows that sex is MUCH better if you truly know and love someone, and, just like you, he'll want it to be special. Of course, if you push the issue, he will likely give in easily and fuck you anyway, because he's a man. We are all slaves to our chemicals.
So the bottom-line is this:
It's an age-old concept that your grandma probably told you, and it's just plain true. If you want casual sex, then go ahead and have it, but don't expect the guy to be after anything more than a fuck. If you truly want LOVE and a relationship, you have to wait until you are sure he really cares about you before you let him go there. You just do.
OK, so why is it YOUR responsibility to say no, rather than his? Simple. TESTOSTERONE. A guy might have the best of intentions; he might know in his heart that he should wait, that it will be better. But the chemicals, especially in a young guy, are going to be too strong for him to resist. I have personally ruined many potential relationships by giving in to my desire to sleep with some girl early on, and then I lost interest in her because there was nothing there but lust in the first place. If we'd waited, maybe nothing would have happened at all, or maybe we would have developed something great, based on mutual interests and such -- at the very least, she wouldn't have had her heart broken by mistaking sex for love. But she let me, and so I did. And so I basically ate dessert first, and got too full for dinner. Sometimes I even knew she was barking up the wrong tree, but I did it anyway. Sometimes, when I was young, I told her exactly what she wanted to hear, and I got what I wanted. Sometimes I even felt bad about it. But I did it anyway. That's testosterone (and immature selfishness, surely) in action.
Yes, SHE has to be the one to say no, because men, when it comes to sex, are just plain weak. The strongest man, one who might rescue a baby from a burning building or wrestle a bank robber to the ground, is still pretty much helpless in the face of his own sex drive. It's just a fact.
As for me, I'm a 40ish guy, who has learned all this the hard way. Pun intended. And it's all very, very true.
So, my female friends, go ahead and sleep around; I make no judgments (double-standards are just stupid) and I don't believe in the word "slut" -- I think women should be able to have as much casual sex as they want, as long as they REALIZE it's casual sex. But if you want real love, LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA, and do NOT sleep with the guy until you have a connection with him that you both feel, however long that takes. And if he won't wait, then, just like your mama probably told you, then he wasn't what you thought you wanted anyway.
Sounds old-fashioned, even to ME -- because I was born in the Free Love '60s. But it's just the way we're wired, and while our uptight puritannical forebears were fucked-up about a lot of things, there's one inescapable fact of biology they pretty much had figured out. Surely they should have given women the equality, respect and intellectual credit they deserved. BUT they DID understand the male sex drive and what havoc it can wreak on an unsuspecting, romance-seeking female.
(Note: I am not excusing men for their/our behavior; just explaining it for those who don't get it. Anyone, male or female, who wants to comment is free to write me, but please be intelligent enough to get what the heck I'm trying to say, and don't just send me mindless angry flames because you hate men or live in denial.)
And I didn't create this situation, so please don't get mad at me. I'm just the messenger.
Thanks for listening. If just one woman has a lightbulb go on over her head after reading this, it will help make up for all the hearts my dick has broken over the years -- including, eventually, my own.
posted by brioSphere at 2:49 PM
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