First kiss

I was fourteen years old, and I had never kissed a girl, but I was always infatuated with one or another, as I had been since I was about five. I was a little Casanova down deep inside, but I was painfully shy, so usually the objects of my affection never knew I existed...

I was completely head over heels in "love," in that insanely intense way that only young teenagers can be, with a girl at my church -- we'll call her 'J'. She was a worldly-wise, street-smart, sassy little blonde a year older than me. I was a clueless little boy with zero experience of the world, afraid of my own shadow. I saw her twice a week, at sunday school and at wednesday night youth group, and occasionally at other church functions at people's homes, etc.

As previously mentioned in my 'Dogma' post, on wednesday nights we were supposed to be out on the street (Van Nuys Blvd -- I grew up in that place sarcastic people refer to affectionately as the 'City of Angels'), talking to people about Christianity. But J had other ideas -- myself and 2 other clueless little boys hung out with her, and we all followed her around while she tried to score pot. I pretended I was a veteran pot smoker, but in reality I tried it for the first time with her, and coughed my lungs out while she laughed her ass off. Same with the other two guys. We all adored her. She was our Goddess. I rarely said a word to her -- I couldn't. She left me breathless; she probably thought I was mute. But I was always staring at her and she knew it.

Anyway, a couple of months before, J's mother had given a church potluck at her house. I had gone into her mom's room and stolen a small picture of J off her dresser, and I kept it in my wallet.

We used to hang out at McDonald's, where we would eat those soft-serve sundaes that they had just started serving, while we waited for somebody to come in and give her the signal that they had the weed. One night I was paying for my sundae, when suddenly J grabbed my wallet out of my hand and glared at the picture of her in it -- and at me. "WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?" she yelled, while the other boys laughed. "ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR SOMETHING?"

I had never stammered out more than two words in a row to this girl that I adoringly followed around everywhere like she was The Messiah, but I just suddenly blurted out, inexplicably, "NO, BUT I WISH YOU WERE, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

She stared at me for a second, and then she grabbed my arm. "Come here," she said. and she looked back at the other two boys and said "STAY." They stayed.

She quickly pulled me out the door and around to the back of the McDonald's, without saying a word. I was trembling. We stood there by the dumpster, and she kissed me. Hard. With her tongue and everything. The works. It seemed to last about 2 hours. Then she pulled away. I was dazed.

"Look," she said, "I only date older guys. I have a boyfriend, and he's seventeen, and he has a car. but I like you, so I still want to be friends, OK?"

I nodded, slowly. I was still dazed. I couldn't speak.

She put her arm around me and walked me back to the front of the McDonald's, where the other two stood with their mouths wide open. We all went back to wandering down the street, pretending to talk to people about the Lord.

Since then, I have had my heart broken many times, but never, ever, as gently or with as much class as that fifteen-year-old semi-juvenile-delinquent girl from church.