Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Online Story Generators Are Fun

Once upon a time about a month ago in my bedroom. I was eating a sardine sandwich when I realized that I was a vampire. You have probably had that experience before. I felt like a million dollars, and I knew that soon I would have to go to the bathroom. My friend Destiny had called me the previous day, and told me all about Jason's problem with the stray dog that was acting strangely, and I was a little worried about infection. Then, all of a sudden, I saw creeping towards me what I realized was the thing that I most feared, and right then I knew I was in love! I remembered what my karate teacher had told me about a situation like this. It was very important that I not throw up all over everyone. Very calmly, I ate another bite of my sandwich and started screaming for help. Before I knew it, I was deliriously happy, and I knew I really liked being naked. So you see, I really needed to thank my math teacher, and I decided I had to tell you all about it.

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Go Ron Paul

Yeah, you read me right. For all the Right-Wingnuts that consider me the Antichrist for my Liberal tendencies, know this:

If Ron Paul manages to win the Republican nomination -- and if there are any Conservatives remaining out there with a brain and the interface to use it, he will -- then I will vote Republican for the first time in my life.

Now, for those of you morons who still inexplicably think Bush is your personal Jesus, you will no doubt think this says something negative about Dr. Paul, that one of us 'Liberal Moonbats' would vote for him. And those other morons on the Radical Left of the spectrum (the ones who inspired the 'Moonbat' terminology in the first place) will likely consider me a traitor. To this I say, Fuck Y'all.

Now, I'm not naive enough to think that any one man -- or 300 Spartans and a Jedi Master, for that matter -- could save us from the astonishingly multilayered mess that we're in as a nation. Personally I think we're as screwed as the Pope's favorite altarboy. But at this point I don't care about abortion, gay marriage, foie gras, alien abductions, bad Chinese food or crazy bearded Muslims with boxcutters -- to me the absolute most important thing to consider in this election (if Bush doesn't manage to declare Martial Law and suspend the election altogether) is to restore the primacy and authority of The Constitution of the United States of America and attempt to preserve what is left of our Republic.

And there is only one candidate in this election who is even discussing this topic. I don't agree with all his viewpoints, but I believe he is a man of integrity and he believes wholeheartedly in the Constitution; something that, I hope, most of us -- Liberal, Conservative, Libertarian, Amish, whatever -- can agree on. He is either the most honest politician I've seen in my lifetime, or the best liar in the history of the world. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have to. Ron Paul 2008.

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